drag strip

Post by **constantine** » August 5th, 2008, 8:04 am

huff
burn rubber
blow this town
kick ass
fuck off
flat top hustler
ice on razor blade
drag strip
lube job
get in the back seat
stripped gears
blow out
toluene

Post by **Lightning Rod** » August 5th, 2008, 10:03 am

when I was a kid I considered sniffing
I considered everything

but I stopped considering it
the first time I saw someone under the influence
they were crawling around the floor
in some blanked out tortured ecstasy

if I take a drug, I want it to help me be sharper
not to make me stupid
I can do that on a natch

Post by **constantine** » August 5th, 2008, 10:13 am

cheap date.

Post by **Lightning Rod** » August 5th, 2008, 10:17 am

constantine wrote:cheap date.

it looked expensive to me
go dutch

Post by **saw** » August 5th, 2008, 10:26 am

a vivid photograph of growing up in the big city where temptations
abound and peer pressure insists that you join the fray....

Post by **constantine** » August 5th, 2008, 10:32 am

o to be in the land of beaver cleaver.
down on the tracks in 1961
not much to do

Post by **Lightning Rod** » August 5th, 2008, 10:34 am

I had a girlfriend once who sniffed glue
when I told her that it turned her brain to mustard
she said she would quit

I had to drop her though
I kissed her one day and
thought I had eaten a model airplane

Post by **saw** » August 5th, 2008, 10:35 am

I liked watching The Beave cause his world was so tidy, unlike mine..

Post by **constantine** » August 5th, 2008, 9:32 pm

thanks steve. made some revisions.

Post by **Lightning Rod** » August 5th, 2008, 9:44 pm

dino,
I'm shaking my head here
you have eviscerated this piece

Post by **constantine** » August 5th, 2008, 10:20 pm

i changed the focus. stripped it down to black and white with a little undercurrent. it says what i want to say - the words have a sexual flip of interpretation with a hard violent edge. i'm willing to listen though.

Post by **Lightning Rod** » August 5th, 2008, 10:50 pm

I can't tell you specifically because I don't have the first version in front of me
but you seem to have all bones and no meat here (I'm one to talk...haha)
you removed the subtext, which most readers wouldn't have recognized anyway, but it was what appealed to me about the piece.

Post by **constantine** » August 5th, 2008, 10:59 pm

it appealed to me too, but the subtext got in the way of the subtext in a sense. i started looking at it from a visual perspective. the toluene related words didn't jive with visual feel of the others. they didn't have dual meaning either. even the title flips -- it can be the racing drag strip motif or the drag and strip of a more sexual and/or violent nature. when that hit me i i had to rethink things and revise.

Post by **Lightning Rod** » August 5th, 2008, 11:08 pm

the toluene thing was what really tied it together for me
you had the bag (huffing)
and you had the dragster (they also huff toluene in the fuel mixture)
and plus, toluene is such a neat sounding word

Post by **constantine** » August 5th, 2008, 11:14 pm

i hadn't considered that. i see what you mean. that adds a dimension that's in line and out of line at the same time. i'll think it over for a while. thanks clay.

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