High Water

[Lightning Rod]

It was a beautiful crystal blue morning, when out of nowhere terror struck. Thousands were killed and whole buildings were demolished. No, I'm not talking about 9/11, I'm talking about Christmas in Sri Lanka. The ultimate terrorist, Mutha Nature, has struck again.

The 9.0 magnitude earthquake in the Indian Ocean sent a twenty foot tsunami, more deadly than a hijacked 757 loaded with jet fuel, to attack a ring of targets from India to Thailand to the African coast. It was an obvious security failure. Western tourists were swept off beaches in Thailand and washed out to sea. The entire island of Sumatra was moved 100 feet to the Southwest. It was a terror attack.

Since we have no qualms about declaring war these days, we should declare war on Mutha Nature. Some would argue that the Repubs have already done that, with sell outs to the oil and timber and chemical industries. But that's just war on the environment, an old story.

What we need is a war on Mutha Nature herself. She is the evil fanatic behind all of our suffering. Let's get her. Wanted dead or alive.

Consider the 2004 Hurricane Season in Florida.

Bonnie, a tropical storm, brushed through the Panhandle. Then the four-hurricane procession started. Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne. These one-eyed minions of Mutha Nature wreaked havoc on the lives of millions of our citizens and cost billions in property damage. They were terror attacks. We need to declare another war.

The United States is the greatest military power in the world. We shouldn't cower in the face of this threat. When a tropical storm gathers itself in a low-pressure area in the Atlantic off the coast of Africa, we should take preemptive action and drop a small tactical nuke just to break the rotation of this weapon of mass destruction that is aimed at Miami.

Sure, the drift of fallout would blister the African continent, but those that die would probably have AIDS. This sounds like a neo-con win/win situation.

Then just imagine the battle of Mt. St. Helens. Nothing but a smoking nuclear crater is left after the shock and awe attack from a US submarine in Puget Sound. Halliburton gets the contract to rebuild Seattle.

Let's don't forget the possibilities of weapons systems to be designed by Lockheed-Martin that will sense and destroy tornadoes. This is a delightful little war, the best of all possible wars. It could go on forever.

Hailstorms? That's just light work for the local first responders. A refitted bunker buster should work just fine.

Earthquakes are another matter. They would probably require an international coalition and the cooperation of the United Nations. We could place sanctions on the tectonic plates. But if our intelligence tells us that the Mutha is in the mood to smite and that the Richter buzz is at level orange, then we should not hesitate to strike at the tremors in Tokyo or Mexico City. Forget the collateral damage. This is a war to secure freedom from fear and danger and calamity. Sunny days for all.

Oh yes, the asteroid threat. This will require further security measures. You will have to be vetted at airports to assure that you are not an asteroid. All of your financial records will be subject to review in order to determine if you are contributing to charities that fund asteroids. We can't be too careful. It's wartime, after all.

The Poet's Eye sees that if the current government has any political currency, it would best be spent in the production of disaster movies, because fear is where the votes are.

[STUPID BOB]

And when we win this one, we go after the rest of the universe . . . The Black Hole War.

[judih]

gotta admit, motha naycha is askin fer it

[stilltrucking]

It is time to sit on the roof and wait for a flying saucer to take us away. The signs of the times. A week before the nine there was an eight in the Pacific, a meteor exploded over Jakarta, the Jews are reutrning to thier ancient home, the Red Sox won the world serries and the war against the frogs is going well. The Great Un-Awakening.

[jimboloco]

It's the rapture coming. The four horsemen of the apopcalypso celebrating the final carnivall in Bahia mama nature be jammin, mon, we got to turn on mama nature, why we'll sprinkle lsd ice crystals in the gulf stream.

I wrote a letter to Major General Douglas Burnette, commandant of the Florida National Guard, on behalf of the Nicaraguan-Floridian Guardsman who had declared conscientious objection after coming home from Iraq on leave, went AWOL beyopnd the limit, not having a well-known elitist as dad (his padre is a Nicaraguan poet)
and the letter also contained a suggestion that we at home would be better served by the Guard being here at home....believe me I thought I had an inside connection when I revealed myself to him as "Willydick" the name he called me by during our year in Air Farce pilot training together, Doug smug with his F-102 Guard slot in the Florita ANG, a bit older, and seasoned with marraige, a biz degree and a tour as an enlisted hombre in the guard, no rich kid, I thinks he will reply but oh no, my letter is intercepted by his secretary, a retarded full colonel whe responds, "It's out of our...(domain)" diddly squat,

so now I have a new IDEA I will sent him a letter marked URGENT that suggests the Guard would be better serving if'n there were as home attacking the tropical storms before they hits landfall. GRASTE IDEA man and I will do it, sent to the commandants's office yeessirr. I will post a copy of said letter when writ. Hope you don't mind if I print it with the jimboloco logo and website format, without revealing the studio eight connection. He might go beZerk and realise that his life of beurocratic priveledge was infact only one option of several.

Whoo ha. You tied in several strands there.

My sister is in Thailand at the Old Asia Hotel in Bangkok. They were headed for Fuckit. I guess you could say it was karmic retribution for all the bombing missions the USA flew out of Thailand during the Vietnam W#ar.

There is nothing tio fear but fear mongering.

[stilltrucking]

nine point two quake Prince William Sound back in 1964 or 1965, that is when they discovered that if a quake is massive enough it effects the earth's wobble, this one did it too.

Slate's Explainer: Quakes and Earth's Rotation
Slate senior editor Andy Bowers explains how Sunday's 9.0 earthquake beneath the Indian Ocean was powerful enough to affect the Earth's rotation.

http://www.npr.org/rundowns/rundown.php ... 4&prgId=17

The Wobblies

Anti-State Activity
from earliest age asked "what's on this page?"
dismal in church and school it was worse

demonstrate proclivity for anti-state activity
declaring your sympathy for anti-state activity

sneer at the gun and those who use one
question the war ask "who is it for?"

refused the vote with a handwritten note
learned all these tricks hard on the bricks

http://www.thewobblies.com/

[jimboloco]

Somebody sent an email into CNN morning show that was read by their bluejeaned afro pop dude it said
why can't we use the troops in Iraq and send them to Indonesia for didaster relief?

Topssed out with a smile.