How tough can I be?

[hester_prynne]

Indeed I wonder this lately.
Last Wednesday Stella's Grandpa Steve on her dad's side of the family passed away suddenly. Sure he was 93, but it was a surprise and it has saddened me to the core, not only in that I will miss him, but he was such a great grandad to Stella.
His funeral was today. Stella has been up in Seattle, staying with me, and she has cried and cried and let it all out which is good.
It's sad. I'm sad. Truthfully, I feel really beaten down emotionally.
And yet the day after tommorrow I leave for Astoria to go see Stella graduate from high school! She's won a national Thespian award! She has done stellarly. I am so proud of her.
I want to transition out of grief and into happiness for Stella.
I seem to be stuck in a real funky blue though.
I wonder personally, how tough can I be?
Can I be tough enough? Will tommorrow be another day with a new possibility for a better outlook?
I've never doubted this before, until now.
Thanks for listening. Any extra toughness you can send my way, please do.
H

[judih]

hard to be tough. not sure how successful anyone is at being 'tough' all the way through.

but one thing i know - out of huge sorrow comes the greatest joy. You'll be surprised at how much emotion will fly outa you. Once the heart is opened, it responds.

bring tissues.

[still.trucking]

"Funerals are for the living not the dead."

That helped me, I hope maybe it might be useful to you

[Doreen Peri]

Theda, sincere sympathies for yours and Stella's loss!

You are a strong woman and you will find the way to deal with the bittersweetness of this time in your life.

Many congratulations to Stella!

[Arcadia]

the mother of my mother died suddenly from a heart attack al 70 after lunch on december 5th, 25 years ago... I absolutely loved her!!! Two days after that it was also my High School graduation.... I cried a lot and was very sad in a not very discriminative way... (it´s a feeling I keep destilling from time to time). Even though I also have happy memories from those days... Also many other sad facts after and before that were oddly in yuxtaposition with other, let´s call it, "vital-happy" moments of my life.... And extra toughness?... I don´t know... it´s not necessary to be tough... just let it flow, and of course, bring tissues...!

a big abrazo to you & Stella and muchas felicitaciones to her!

[mtmynd]

Most importantly be yourself and if that includes toughness, so be it.

[still.trucking]

I hope it was good day for a funeral, I hope Stella is feeling better you too.
For what it is worth I thought about this bit below. Stella is blessed to be a creative soul. Perhaps those tears will be useful for her work. Thespians are like writers I think everything is grist for their art.

... says the need to be an artist comes from early childhood and a sense of loss that enables the artist to see things differently. This vision rules his life. Not entirely neurotic, not entirely normal, the artist is endowed with a creative personality and a ruthless passion that allows him to separate his own grief feelings of melancholia from his grief feelings of mourning (death/rebirth or creativity cycle…. Beset by melancholia, his ruthless passion for his inner life during his session (days, weeks, months) of producing an art work separates him from his neurosis. Grief is interpreted as mourning, not depression. Mourning, a positive process in life, leads the sufferer to change and growth, to a kind of rebirth, to a condition previously unknown

Has not been a funeral in my family in 26 years. Easy for me to talk. Think Shakespeare. "Everyone can master a grief but he that hath it."

[hester_prynne]

Heartfelt thank you to you all for your messages here.
I feel better today/tonight and am excited to leave tommorrow on my journey to Astoria to see Stella graduate this weekend. My mother and older sister are coming along too. Proud crowd for Stella. Maybe i'll yell something and embarrass her when she's getting her diploma. "My heart is full!!!!!!!!!". (From the movie, "the effect of gamma rays on man in the moon marigolds".)
I did my birthday reading tonight too and it was very positive. I am still pondering it in regards to some of the cards, but plan to post it for all's perusal in Mystic Arts.
Thank you all again so much.
H

[mtmynd]

Good for you all... mom, sis, you and of course, the star of the show, Stella. Kick some Ass-toria!