Confessions of a Loner

[sasha]

- confessions of a loner -

used to have friends
or thought I did
turned out most of 'em
were Hers
and I was just "the husband"...
never quite fit in
always a half-step off
a half-beat behind -
didn't get sports
wore the wrong clothes
listened to the wrong music...
thought the jabs & slights were just jokes -
teasing that just landed a bit too hard...
until She left - found out they weren't.
so I set off down the trail
by myself
doing what I liked, when I liked -
diggin' my own music
wearin' what I wanted
fillin' my mind with whatever it craved
chasin' beauty as I saw it - not them...
and ya know?
I've been whole lot happier for it
knowing I'm not chafing them...
nor they me

[mnaz]

I'm there with you. Life keeps churning. I've had best friends who keep slipping into the past and I can't contact them. I've had a few girlfriends who are cool, but I'm too shy (and escapist!) and now they are part of the unsolvable mystery of life, and it just makes me wonder what I maybe should've done differently. But I can't dwell on that.

[sasha]

My romantic life is one train wreck after another, and while I recognize that I am the common denominator for all of them, I've gotten past the "what did I do wrong?" self-recriminations. Not everyone was meant to partner - all I did wrong was fail to accept that I am on of those who isn't. I tried playing a role for which I'm unsuited, hurting two of us at the same time. Still in contact with my ex - fostered her dog last summer so she could rebuild her immune system (chemo). Still in contact with a prior gf, now happily married out west. The other gf's have vanished into the past, & while occasionally in that "whatever happened to" mood, writing a memoir or poem about the moment seems enough to scratch the itch.

[saw]

I'm at peace living alone, and have gotten beyond blaming anyone for that, including myself--haha

Our culture seems to suggest that success is measured by the longevity of our romances....and when you are young you buy into it. However there isn't any manual to study and prepare us for all the inherent complications that arise in our relationships. Often we blame ourselves, and more often someone else, but that overlooks the uniqueness in humans beings....sometimes things click, but that doesn't ensure that is permanent......and I would add this applies to all relatioships, not just romantic. It's a most slippery slope maintaining any of our relationships.... due to a variety of changes that develop in us and the other parties as we mature.....there is no one to blame for this.... and we need not defend our philosophy

Now, I just I try my to make sure the ones I care about know that I appreciate them.....simple things like contact in some way that says....I've been thinking about you a lot lately...how are you ?

I truly hope I haven't seriously damaged anyone along my journey....if I have, it was an accident caused by naivete...