I was going down
& she was there
kicking
& screaming in silence.
The ground was coming up
to swallow us
& we were ready to
fertilize the soil and
put an end to weakness.
* * *
"A light!"
she exclaimed.
"There, at the tunnels end."
And who was I
to deny the
moth her flame,
and how could I
obstruct the path
when all things spin to
their eventual conclusion.
Aeroembolism
I don't know if these are two unconnected separate poems, two stanzas to one poem, two tomes in a series or what. I like the first piece/bit very much. There's an urgency to it and a very clear-and-yet-ambiguous feel.
To be honest, the second part is well done I think...and I love the moth (what poet doesn't?), but the light at the end of the tunnel and the moth imagry are sadly claimed by The Cliche. I might suggest twisting them somehow to make them fresh--unless maybe what you're going for is the fact that they're common (ok...in honesty I think hackneyed) terms.
None of it bad at all.
Thanks, Joel
To be honest, the second part is well done I think...and I love the moth (what poet doesn't?), but the light at the end of the tunnel and the moth imagry are sadly claimed by The Cliche. I might suggest twisting them somehow to make them fresh--unless maybe what you're going for is the fact that they're common (ok...in honesty I think hackneyed) terms.
None of it bad at all.
Thanks, Joel
"Every genuinely religious person is a heretic, and therefore a revolutionary" -- GBShaw
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