following up on a thought

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joel
Posts: 1877
Joined: June 24th, 2005, 8:31 am
Location: Hampton Roads, Virginia

following up on a thought

Post by joel » March 12th, 2011, 3:03 pm

[I'll be trying, csoul...]

“My eyes will fill with awe
when wintry manners thaw
and playgrounds spring
where – graced – I’ll swing
and ride a see-soul-saw.

“I’ll teeter love’s control
on flesh-&-spirit whole
and never set
it still, but let
it shine: Invictus Sol!

“And then will I be me;
and you will make us three
as seamlessly,
poetically,
as frost and fog and sea—

“and, yes, I’ll have a friend
or two in you.” I tend
to pray like this
at times and kiss
good-bye my own lone end.

So, thank you if you hear
me—thanks if you draw near—
and thank you for
sweet troubadours
as playmates, such as we’re.
"Every genuinely religious person is a heretic, and therefore a revolutionary" -- GBShaw

Steve Plonk
Posts: 2512
Joined: December 12th, 2009, 4:48 pm

Re: following up on a thought

Post by Steve Plonk » March 13th, 2011, 12:52 pm

Heartwarming poem, Joel! :D Hope the person that you're addressing, gets the sentiment, and responds in kind.

Hollweg
Posts: 109
Joined: November 7th, 2010, 2:21 pm
Location: Houston

Re: following up on a thought

Post by Hollweg » March 13th, 2011, 2:48 pm

Joel. This is a nice piece, but I am not keen on it ending with a contraction. I think the near-rhyme you would get from "we are" would cover your scheme and read better. Obviously your call.

saw
Posts: 8694
Joined: May 23rd, 2008, 7:32 am
Location: B'more, Maryland

Re: following up on a thought

Post by saw » March 14th, 2011, 10:32 am

the 3 musketeers of poetry, ha......this is a really good poem, and one would not need any esoteric hints to appreciate this..... stanza 4 is my favorite. if I had to pick...........keep 'em coming....ride the wave, joel
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading

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