Call any vegetable

[Lightning Rod]

In response to my last column What Is Sex?, a friend of mine sent me an email recounting an erotic experience that he had which consisted of eating a cantaloupe still warm from the field with his bare hands. It sounded pretty sexy, so I replied:


At last! I have someone I can confide in about my erotic adventures in the vegetable world without shame or guilt. "Call any vegetable, call her by name. And the chances are good that the vegetable will respond to you."

I must confess my preference for water melons, something about the wet pinkness, foreplay starts out by thumping them listening for the perfect sonogram response, you stroke the rind that is smooth and shiny as a waxed leg and then the gasp they make when you split them.

But cantaloupes are nice too in their musky way, seeds clustered and waiting in a lubricated nest. Avacados can be nice, especially if they are just slightly past the prime of ripeness, a fruit that tastes like meat. And I can always find uses for a cucumber.

But if I really want to get my jollies with the Plant Kingdom, instead of the fruits and vegetables, I prefer the herbs. The poppy, bulbous and pregnant and lactating. She is good for the night, she will caress your brow and whisper that everything will be all right, but for the daytime I must go to my sweet and eternal love, to squeeze her little buds and smell her musk on my fingers....ahhhh.

It's such a sexual plant. I had a harem of them once. I kept all the males away, save for one. Nubile and virginal sinsemilla is fine and good and like all young girls, their stories are short. But give me a flower that has known sex, not too much, just enough to be wise and slightly seeded with a scent of fruit and musk sweet as a pair of cotton panties. Burn for me, my love.

[Doreen Peri]

For vegetables, I prefer cucumbers. For fruit, I'm partial to bananas.

[Rat Bag]

Organic paw paw and advocado on LSA

mmmmm m m makes for craziness